Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So vagazzling was a success
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
His nipple licking is glorious
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