I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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