So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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