What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
