he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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