I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You made out with two different species that night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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