So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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