guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
