I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
