My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
