lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize