dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
