White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
