:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
