btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
