Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The air was thick with penises
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
