the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Found the puke drawer
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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