We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
