He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
