Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just found puke in my bra..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize