The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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