i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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