Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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