I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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