We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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