the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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