What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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