I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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