I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My breath smells like gin and sadness
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
