FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
