i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
