vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
