There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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