What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
