oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
