I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
