I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
