i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
