I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
