Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
