I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
