What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
