Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
