oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
