Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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