I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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