there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
