I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
