Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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