I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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