Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
