dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hippo gnu deer
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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