I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
