a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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