I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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