He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
even my farts smell like vagina
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
