So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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