you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
