Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
there's paper in my vomit.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
