We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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