He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize