I'm so fucking centered right now
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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