we have pet lesbian snakes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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