Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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