There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
